You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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