I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
