what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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