I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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