Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The beer is more important than you right now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize