Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize