My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
