You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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