Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
