is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
