I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there was a trapeze. enough said
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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