I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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