we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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