____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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