I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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