I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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