$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
