her vagine was all disorganized.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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