Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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