I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
