doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
