Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
