I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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