The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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