how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They took my balls.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
