So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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