I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
