I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm too high and old for this...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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