Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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