too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
