and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
