I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
