Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
