i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
