Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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