My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
