Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
