i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
