I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
