Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
