Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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