She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
