i don't like sucking hair
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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