Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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