does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
