i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
