hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize