Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
