I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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