Soap is not a condiment
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
