The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
