He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
