I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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