dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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