is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
