He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize