I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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