I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
