you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
