Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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