Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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