He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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