He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
