not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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