I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
