His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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