note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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