Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
