she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
