I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
